UGLY

"UGLY"
Why do I feel so ugly?
So broken, so hideous, so
unworthy...

Niki NapierApril 14, 2017poetry, ugly, anxiety, nationalpoetrymonth, poetryfridays Comments

Tiny Steps, Humbling Rewards, and 50 Pairs of Men's Socks Later

A few months ago, Past Niki roped Future Niki into a small, reasonable commitment that even she (I mean, I) wouldn't have the heart to back out of. This commitment unfolded into something far from it.

Navigating AnxietyNiki NapierApril 8, 2017homeless, giveback, volunteer, anxietyComment

Go Get Yourself a Coffee Date

When you feel like you're in the ruttiest anxious wintry existential crisis ever, go get yourself a coffee date.

Navigating AnxietyNiki NapierFebruary 20, 2017coffee, frienddate, socialanxiety, anxiety, winter, rutComment

Ruts and Bolts: Piecing Together That Secret Despair

There is so much going on all around me that I want to be part of. There are friends I want to spend time with, events I promised myself I would go to, and hours wasted in front of screen after screen, telling myself I will get off the couch in just 5 more minutes.

5 more minutes.
5 more minutes.

War and Peace, and Water Cannons

Countless gallons of water flooded the crowd of water protectors from two enormous cannons pulled right up to a giant wall of razor wire, lined shoulder to shoulder with riot police. Natives sang and danced in ceremony, praying for their lands, their families, and their future generations as they endured the heavy water in subfreezing temperatures.

Far Away and Far from Okay: Mourning Loss and Loved Ones

Yesterday I found an ultimate balance of important roots and exciting adventures, but today I am reminded that all balances shift, and all things must change

DestinationsNiki NapierOctober 27, 2016denver, colorado, death, loss, sadness, anxiety, travel, traveler, family, uncleComment

Walk the Walk, Talk the Talk

Today my focus is to relax and to take in the people around me. It's so easy to get caught up giving your own actions all of the attention: Are my opinions out of place? Did I get my story out right? Is there something hanging from nose?

DestinationsNiki NapierOctober 26, 2016talk, conversation, converse, stranger, opportunities, anxiety, challengeanxiety, denver, travel, comfort zone, coloradoComment

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

Those two weeks away were such a roller coaster, so many ups and downs and new information that I'm still processing. I dread not having my shit together before jumping into a blog post, but I've said it before- stories without the rough parts are boring for you and for me.

DestinationsNiki NapierOctober 15, 2016denver, colorado, mountains, travel, explore, comfort zone, yoga, yogi, writer, writing, pushingthrough, anxiety, home, learn, grow, discomfort, uncomfortableComment

Not All Those Who Wander...

Only a few hours from flight, and I am realizing how incredibly different the lead-up to this adventure has been.

Navigating AnxietyNiki NapierOctober 11, 2016anxiety, traveling, flying, denver, excitement, anticipation, onewayComment

I'm Going to Be a Boss Today

The past two days have been challenging for my ambition. I had all of these plans to keep getting work done and keep checking things off my to-do list before my trip next week. Instead, I had to pry myself off the couch to do the even the simplest of tasks.

Navigating AnxietyNiki NapierOctober 3, 2016anxiety, depression, loss, adventures, lazy, weather, mantra, yoga, meditation, rockymountainsComment

Beyond the Resort Wall: The "Real" Jamaica

After hours of research choosing my first trip abroad, I heard more than my share of misguided warnings about my leading choice: the tropical island of Jamaica.

DestinationsNiki NapierJuly 12, 2016anxiety, culture, explore, hostel, instinct, Jamaica, learning, materialism, Ocho Rios, poverty, rastafari, resorts, spirituality, travel, wanderlustComment

It Never Gets Easier

It never gets easier. Every single time is just as terrifying, the same stab in my gut when I realize...I'm venturing away from my home...again! What am I doing to myself?!

Navigating AnxietyNiki NapierJune 7, 2016adventure, anxiety, bravery, courage, denver, fear, following dreams, strength, travel, traveling, wanderlust, worriedComment

For the Love of Traveling: Where Fears and Risks Become Soul Food

The trip was so far out of my comfort zone, there wasn't a trace of light at the end of the anxiety tunnel as my plane took off. It was the first time I listened to my gut instead of every excuse I could think of, and finally just went for it.

I'm Going Anyway

Feeling safe, feeling like I have a home, it's something I don't feel readily. I am particular, and I may not always know why, but I can feel what sits with me best compared to what could be just settling. The last few years I have raised the bar quite high to avoid settling, and now that it is further from me than any easy peasy little reach, I'm going to have to get off this damn couch to grab it.

Beautiful People

We rarely find ourselves when we are hiding among sunshine-y moments, just-alright days, and sighs of contentment. We find out who we really are during the moments that feel too huge to handle.

Navigating AnxietyNiki NapierOctober 23, 2015anxiety, courage, death, expressive therapy, fear, Featured, hair, healing, heartache, innerchild, love, sexuality, vulnerableComment

Without Being Our Own Friend, We Cannot Hope For Happiness

When they told us we had to start working, they never said we had to stop playing.

Facin' a Fear: The Pieces of Myself I Hate and Hide

I'm sick and tired, literally nauseous and exhausted all the time, of being someone I'm not.

Sometimes, All You Have To Do Is Make Soup

Yesterday, life felt wildly unmanageable, but from this chaos I resolved to find a place of calmness within. Before I could pout about all the chopping, boiling, stirring, timing, and storing that awaited me, I walked straight to the kitchen and began gathering ingredients. I started making soup.

Navigating Anxiety, Other StuffNiki NapierSeptember 14, 2015anxiety, Autumn, cheap, depression, expressive therapy, food, healing, meditation, nurture, nutrients, recipes, soup, stew, vegetablesComment

Fear, Just a Bully in Our Minds

What strikes me as one of the strangest human fears is our terror of the unknown within ourselves.

Dismantle the Bullshit, Find the Human Beneath

I want to strip myself down completely. I don't understand who I am or what it truly means to be human at all. The thought of peeling everything away to enigmatic bareness to build a new life has begun to thrill me.

REACH OUT