"UGLY"
Why do I feel so ugly?
So broken, so hideous, so
unworthy...
April is National Poetry Month! In honor of such a cool celebration, I will be posting one of my originals every Friday in April.
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A few months ago, Past Niki roped Future Niki into a small, reasonable commitment that even she (I mean, I) wouldn't have the heart to back out of. This commitment unfolded into something far from it.
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Since 2014, Write in Shining Armour has grown from a poetry feed, to an anxiety pep talk, and finally an inspirational travel blog. With WISA's mission evolving, it's time to expand its outreach for a deeper purpose.
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Amidst heated Facebook dialogue, finding a vomit stain set in on my grandmother’s rug, and Swiffering the house as I felt less-than-guilty feline eyes lock on the device that gathers their stray fur biweekly, I suddenly felt the need to run straight out of the door, out of this town and this country, and never look back.
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In the wake of the massive community at Standing Rock that has been seized by authorities, I want to share with you the most powerful story I have ever heard, and it comes from a US Veteran, a member of the Seneca Territory, and a Water Protector at Standing Rock.
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When you feel like you're in the ruttiest anxious wintry existential crisis ever, go get yourself a coffee date.
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There is so much going on all around me that I want to be part of. There are friends I want to spend time with, events I promised myself I would go to, and hours wasted in front of screen after screen, telling myself I will get off the couch in just 5 more minutes.
5 more minutes.
5 more minutes.
When I started traveling a few years ago, I slowly recognized a sense of belonging, one so close I could almost taste it.
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Countless gallons of water flooded the crowd of water protectors from two enormous cannons pulled right up to a giant wall of razor wire, lined shoulder to shoulder with riot police. Natives sang and danced in ceremony, praying for their lands, their families, and their future generations as they endured the heavy water in subfreezing temperatures.
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So many people claim they want better for our country than these two candidates, yet hardly anyone is willing to vote honestly, knowing the reality that others aren't voting honestly either.
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Yesterday I found an ultimate balance of important roots and exciting adventures, but today I am reminded that all balances shift, and all things must change
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Today my focus is to relax and to take in the people around me. It's so easy to get caught up giving your own actions all of the attention: Are my opinions out of place? Did I get my story out right? Is there something hanging from nose?
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Those two weeks away were such a roller coaster, so many ups and downs and new information that I'm still processing. I dread not having my shit together before jumping into a blog post, but I've said it before- stories without the rough parts are boring for you and for me.
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Only a few hours from flight, and I am realizing how incredibly different the lead-up to this adventure has been.
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The past two days have been challenging for my ambition. I had all of these plans to keep getting work done and keep checking things off my to-do list before my trip next week. Instead, I had to pry myself off the couch to do the even the simplest of tasks.
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When I tell people I have a one-way ticket to my favorite place outside of CLE, I love to watch their reactions as they assume I'm packing my bags for good.
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After hours of research choosing my first trip abroad, I heard more than my share of misguided warnings about my leading choice: the tropical island of Jamaica.
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It never gets easier. Every single time is just as terrifying, the same stab in my gut when I realize...I'm venturing away from my home...again! What am I doing to myself?!
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The trip was so far out of my comfort zone, there wasn't a trace of light at the end of the anxiety tunnel as my plane took off. It was the first time I listened to my gut instead of every excuse I could think of, and finally just went for it.
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