To the Fearful and the Brave, To My Loved Ones

There are people we meet who cause chaos in our lives.

They turn our perfect, stable structures upside down, and we can't be prepared for the impact they have. You know who they are.

I always felt sick with guilt, imagining that I am this chaotic being in your life.

But now I've come to realize how remarkable it is that those people have changed me. I owe so much of who I am to the influence I let them have. Those experiences made me feel alive when I thought nothing could fulfill me. My most overwhelming joy and traumatizing sorrows have come from moments with these soulful people, and I would never trade it for a sheltered life. I thrive around these carriers of chaos. I relish in their spirits and recharge from the strength they radiate.

Maybe I've been this life-changing person for you. I may have broken your heart somewhere along the way. I may have made you think twice about the path you thought you were leading. Through creative expression and practicing awareness, I hope to shed the guilt, and see myself as an uplifting soul that caused exciting chaos for you.

This post is created from the honest words flowing from my subconscious to my fingertips, exposing my perspective on this hot mess of awesome life we live. Through this vulnerable state I can shine a glorious beam of light on my true path, and refuse to deny the being within me that I feel is meant to thrive. I will chip away at the new and unexpected walls my heart secretly cemented around my emotions. To feel nothing at all, no connection to others, is not the way I intend to live out my days on earth.

I am the tornado that's sure to rip your walls down. I am the lover that will open your heart against your will. I am the flesh and bones that will pick you up from the floor, the heart that will understand your urge to cry, and the hands that will wipe your eyes when you've calmed your soul.

Maybe I've been that friend that was always there for you, until one day my own life got in the way. I then taught you how strong you can be on your own.

Maybe I've used your shoulder to cry on over and over again. Maybe you've picked me up from the mud, washed my wounds, held me and rocked me until I was calm. Maybe we've met once but you will always remember me, or maybe we will be close friends for as long as we survive.

I look for these chaotic, life-changing qualities in others. I seek these people out at every moment, and yet I've cowered in denial and shame from this same radical being within me. Not everyone wants to move through life with caution, and just as I have a longing for adventure with the most glorious people I can find, others will crave a journey and seek out my wild spirit.

The thing about the people still in my life, is that they have all chosen to be here. They've seen how I move and they've signed up to dance along with me. I felt ashamed of stirring emotions in others, but I now see they've chosen to experience my energy and everything it radiates. They need this thrill, this chase I am too always running after.

How absurd to have felt ashamed for having an impact on people. How strange to be upset over the vibrant energy I wear on my sleeve, for it might be unsettling to others. How other people see me and how they are affected by me is not even my business to know. What's for me to know is how I see myself, and if this crazy journey I'm choosing is the one that will fulfill me. All have a choice to hop on my train of adventure, or all are welcome to step off onto their own path.

I am here. I am here with my energy.

I am alive with my spirit thriving and I will not stunt it.

If you're within range, get ready for the power I feel. Be prepared to experience everything happening around you, and to see the path you've chosen without hiding from it. These are the truths I lunge for, these are the overwhelming feelings I hunt down and stretch my wingspan to touch.

Somersaults, leaps, jumps, and terrifying falls await me, but I won't allow the limits others put on themselves to crush me into a box and stuff me away to collect dust.

I will live triumphantly, dream magnificently, and wrap my arms around you to comfort the terrifying changes ahead if you join me.

Don't be afraid to feel with me, don't hold back your pure truth. Because we are all one.

I see the instinctual animal within us all. I watch other humans scurrying around, and feel my own primal self within them. When you glide across the room, I glide with you. When I climb to an adventure, this climb is also yours. We are all connected, the same species, from the same dirt of this earth and stars of the sky. We are meant to look out for each other and ensure the beautiful and healthy survival of our kind. We could be willing to experience each other beyond our comfort zones.

These are the moments I live for. This is the adventure we could have.

 

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