Surviving and Thriving in a Big Transition
Earlier this summer, and for the very first time, I woke up in a way I have only daydreamed about while cowering from the gossip of coworkers dressed in slacks and heels.
I woke up naturally, to the sound of birds outside of my open window and old beaters pulling out of the parking lot. I took my time, had a good stretch, avoided my phone, and splashed cold water on my face with a rejuvenated attitude about the a.m. hours.
I, of course, made a pot of coffee, curled up in my favorite thrift shopped chair, and wrote about whatever the hell I wanted.
Thoughts that screamed at me for too long escaped the insanity of my mind that felt so trapped. Ridiculous points of view and taboo ideas were finally set free to the better judgment of my fears and aspiration to be lazy.
At my previous job, I reached a point of being physically ill from writing up insurance policies, when I needed to be writing about love, nature, spiritual growth, sex, parties, family, growing up but never growing old.
Too many people I let into my life from the old nine-to-five had sworn off the rest of their lives to watching reality shows on the weeknights and drinking on the weekends before the work demons came for them again on Monday morning. Well, my demons are scratching their heads, unable to find me in the midst of all my brand new freedom.
Girly metaphor alert: While trying to find a decent outfit to wear among all of my old baggy ones, I found a shiny blouse calling my name that I completely forgot about. After my last day of my work at the insurance hole, I came straight home (after happy hour) and tossed to the tree lawn all of the clothes that were no longer a good fit. I possessed an ever-improving outlook on life and no extra room for worn out things that didn't feel anything like who I wanted to be.
Within hours of the epiphany that it was time to rid myself of ratty clothes, I would apply this way of thinking to the most gigantic part of my life - what I do all day, what it means to me, and how I use it to survive. When something in your life is changing so suddenly, something necessary for paying rent for example, it really gives you a new outlook on your broken flip-flops.
Why am I keeping these things?
Aha! The same reason I was keeping my desk at the office dust free when I should have been emptying its contents into a box. Sometimes things put on shiny masks and parade around us as fulfilling glittering treasures. But, things that fill our lives do not always enrich them, and things that clutter our surroundings blind us from the good and simple life we wish we could have.
Needless to say I let my former coworkers persuade me into keeping our happy hour plans after my last day at the desk job. As the night wore on, I allowed myself be angry, ashamed, terrified, drunk, and overwhelmed by how much my life had changed in such a short time.
But amidst the chaos of emotions, I kept watch on the newest and most unfamiliar one, the one that had nothing to do with too much crap in my closet or too much cubicle in my weekday. Hope had shown up to grace me at my going away party, or what I like to call my transition party.