I'm Going to Be a Boss Today
Find your mantra. Repeat your mantra. Believe your mantra.
I'm going to be a boss today. I'm going to be a boss today. I'm going to be a boss today.
The past two days have been extra challenging for my ambition. I had all of these plans to keep getting work done and keep checking things off my to-do list before my trip next week. Instead, I had to pry myself off the couch to do the even the simplest of tasks.
It's one of my favorite times of year - warm and sunny days oozing into the chilly breeze and colorful leaves of Autumn, surrounded by gourds. Despite hating the transition into cold-season, the cozy vibes and exciting events make up for all the layers I am packing on.
But even with this feel-good energy, I've been sluggish for weeks. I'm trying to be a witness to this shift rather than succumbing to its associated anxiety, watching as my motivation makes way for daydreaming.
Being lazy is probably my least favorite attribute; there is so much to do and see in this world! So while I know I am a dedicated worker and explorer of life, sometimes there's a weight that threatens to hold me down indefinitely.
The worst part is that I don't see these restful fits coming, and inevitably take my frustrations out on those around me before I realize what gives. That's not the human being I want to be.
I keep searching for that fine line between genuine mental rest, and letting my distracted thoughts swallow me whole. It can be so difficult to separate what I need from what I let myself wallow in.
After a day or two of giving into these hazy feelings though, today I finally woke up sick of this weight, and I'm determined to heave all of my strength into it to free myself.
This heaviness is made up of lost loved ones, incomplete dreams, and hopeless thoughts...but my strength is made of more.
The easiest thing to do would be to keep putting off my goals and responsibilities, and continue floundering in the unique and beautiful sorrow that is my own. Seriously though, screw that. I have too much to do, and I am on my way to rocking this life; I can't let intruding, anxious thoughts keep me from happiness and fulfillment.
I'm so grateful for meditation, for yoga, for my own time and space, and everything else that has led me to this moment, where I can take a step back from my emotions, see them clearly, and then rise above them to greater things.
Today's emotions are longing, confusion, loss, anger, impatience...but the future holds peaceful mountains, unknown adventures, distant friends, and friends I have yet to meet. These things are so, so much more important to me than staying angry, and with a little hope, I can keep this resurgence going until I find my balanced path.