A few months ago, Past Niki roped Future Niki into a small, reasonable commitment that even she (I mean, I) wouldn't have the heart to back out of. This commitment unfolded into something far from it.Read More
Amidst heated Facebook dialogue, finding a vomit stain set in on my grandmother’s rug, and Swiffering the house as I felt less-than-guilty feline eyes lock on the device that gathers their stray fur biweekly, I suddenly felt the need to run straight out of the door, out of this town and this country, and never look back.Read More
When you feel like you're in the ruttiest anxious wintry existential crisis ever, go get yourself a coffee date.Read More
There is so much going on all around me that I want to be part of. There are friends I want to spend time with, events I promised myself I would go to, and hours wasted in front of screen after screen, telling myself I will get off the couch in just 5 more minutes.
5 more minutes.
5 more minutes.
Only a few hours from flight, and I am realizing how incredibly different the lead-up to this adventure has been.Read More
The past two days have been challenging for my ambition. I had all of these plans to keep getting work done and keep checking things off my to-do list before my trip next week. Instead, I had to pry myself off the couch to do the even the simplest of tasks.Read More
When I tell people I have a one-way ticket to my favorite place outside of CLE, I love to watch their reactions as they assume I'm packing my bags for good.Read More
It never gets easier. Every single time is just as terrifying, the same stab in my gut when I realize...I'm venturing away from my home...again! What am I doing to myself?!Read More
Feeling safe, feeling like I have a home, it's something I don't feel readily. I am particular, and I may not always know why, but I can feel what sits with me best compared to what could be just settling. The last few years I have raised the bar quite high to avoid settling, and now that it is further from me than any easy peasy little reach, I'm going to have to get off this damn couch to grab it.Read More
I awoke on the couch, lights on, movie credits rolling, and terror oozing through me like a dull, fatal agony. Nightmares make heavy appearances in my life, usually for weeks or months at a time, but last night's trumped them all.Read More
We rarely find ourselves when we are hiding among sunshine-y moments, just-alright days, and sighs of contentment. We find out who we really are during the moments that feel too huge to handle.Read More
I want to change some things up here at the blog...Read More
When they told us we had to start working, they never said we had to stop playing.Read More
I'm sick and tired, literally nauseous and exhausted all the time, of being someone I'm not.Read More
Yesterday, life felt wildly unmanageable, but from this chaos I resolved to find a place of calmness within. Before I could pout about all the chopping, boiling, stirring, timing, and storing that awaited me, I walked straight to the kitchen and began gathering ingredients. I started making soup.Read More
What strikes me as one of the strangest human fears is our terror of the unknown within ourselves.Read More
I'm sure I'm not the only one who's noticed: people have been a bit batty lately. Friends, family, neighbors, the cats, everyone seems to be colliding with dramatic emotions and drastic miscommunications.Read More
I want to strip myself down completely. I don't understand who I am or what it truly means to be human at all. The thought of peeling everything away to enigmatic bareness to build a new life has begun to thrill me.Read More
It's so fascinating to me how much we fight being ourselves. I don't mean the parts we aren't too fond of, like being messy or lazy or having the wrong hair. I mean the real parts of us, the true energy inside that thirsts for adventure and passion, and wants desperately to have their story heard.Read More
I'm terrified of practicing yoga again. I dabble at home, a few poses here and there, but I have been seriously avoiding attending a class since the death in our family. I know now that I'm afraid of what I might feel. I risk a colossal breakdown in public, at my workplace, in front of strong yogis that know me and will continue to see me at the studio afterwards.Read More